One of my best friends recently lost her job and they are currenty facing a deficit. My company is doing pay cuts with some managers taking up to a 34% reduction in pay.

It seems like this news is happening all around. You hear on the news how times are tough and you think it won't be you, and then one day it is.

I woke up this morning and just felt a heaviness on me. That overwhelming sense of fear, anxiety, and the unknown.

In the past, whenever bad things would happen to me I'd ask myself "Who did I piss off?" and think of karma

And as I was getting my kids' cereal this morning, I realized the answer was - MYSELF

No matter what happens in the economy, people have an amazing tenacity to survive because they never give up hope.

My boss asked me if I had any questions regarding the economy and what the company was doing. I just said "No"

I think that puzzled him. Shouldn't everyone be scared right now?

So I elaborated and told him "I know that not even the experts know the answers, so we're just all in this together and all I would want to know is how I can help and what I can do."

I didn't think it would be worthwhile to ask him what is going to happen to the economy or the company or my job. I know I'm a good worker, I work for a great company, the rest is out of my hands.

Its like that saying "God grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change and the courage to change the things that I can"

So I turned off the news. I know whats going to be there... my goal now is to continue to find more innovative and creative ways to adapt to the changes in the world. So long as I focus on that, I'll find a way - cause I have hope.

Its when we give up on things and say there are no doors left to open that there is no more hope. But as long as we keep pressing on, no matter what lies ahead or however insurmountable this obstacle we face may be... as long as we have hope, we can find a way.

Hindsight is always 20/20, and I think half of that is because many times we are so caught up with other things on our mind to really see the opportunities at hand are really right in front of us.

I don't know how we'll make it through ourselves, but I'm confident that if I focus on it - I'll find a way.

The economy is now beginning to hit us harder and I just have to keep telling myself that no matter what, we have to press on.

Last week Monday our company had a call that they needed to cut their budget $140K next year and they were soliciting ideas from employees on how to help achieve those goals.

I suggested a few & this coming week we'll probably get an idea as to the ideas they will be implementing. I just hope job cuts are not one of them.

I feel like my job specifically is secure, but overall it tends to lower morale if people begin being let go & that can dramatically effect the company. Especially since it will be extremely hard to do more work with less people & the majority are hourly employees that require overtime if they go over 40hrs/week. So I emailed the CFO that I would rather see us forego our Office Technology Reimbursement ($1200/yr) for every employee and encourage employees to deduct their office expenses off their taxes instead if it meant that it could help keep their job.

We'll see.

The election week was tough for us being a military family. Not because we voted for McCain (We voted for Obama) but because a lot of military families say they are concerned Obama will cut their pay.

I guess, from my perspective, I am looking at the prospect that my job (which provides 40% of our families income) or consider whether or not my DH will be getting a 3% pay raise in 2010.

I really hope the economy will turn around soon, or if not soon, that we are fully able to weather the storm.

I had set aside $1700 in our EF, right now its at $1500 and that was to last till February or March when we plan to get our tax return and pay off DH's car.

I don't know if the $1500 that is in there now will be enough.

Our HOA fees on both homes are going up. There are board meetings for both and I'm sure some will contest it, but with our rental - because of the economy, crime rates are going up. The HOA wants to set aside $15K next year to pay for off duty police officers. I actually think its worth the extra $4/mo in HOA fees to do this so that it helps protect our property values.

I don't know... Christmas is coming up and I'm not sure how we'll pay for the gifts. My oldest wants a Nintendo DS, we were going to get our son a SmartCycle Hot Wheels game, and my 2nd daughter wants a Dora thing... meanwhile I just want to get the baby a "Baby's First Christmas" ornament and family pictures since we haven't taken those since May 2007.

My friend is visiting in December and honestly, I'm somewhat nervous. I love her to death but I worry that we won't be able to do much cause we can't really afford anything right now. She's been my best friend since we were 12 and has said she doesn't mind if we just hang out, but I know that we also want to plan a double date with our husbands sometime then too. Its mostly that first week I'm nervous about cause her hubby will be there too & I want to be a good hostess, the second week my DH is going to Florida and her hubby is flying to see his family - so it'll just be her, me, and the kids.

So thats primarily why I worry if the $1500 will be enough till February or March.

If we can get that unclaimed property check before the end of the month (but I'm not counting on it), our EF will be down to $1000. I have some extra points with my debit card so I could probably redeem it for a gift card to help go Christmas shopping.

*sigh*

No matter what, we'll make it through. I have so much to be thankful for. Just have to keep going and be smart with the money we have.

So after looking at the layout for this month putting us at $750 in the red I decided to estimate next year's taxes to see how close we are to paying off DH's car so that can free up more of our monthly income.

Factoring in my tuition, the four kids, my student loan interest, the loss on the other house, property taxes on this one, etc, etc, etc... we should get back around $8K.

I had already adjusted DH's withholding in May so I think next year I'll adjust it again because there really is no reason we should be overpaying $8K.

But I feel a little better after seeing that, we owe $9K on his car, each month we pay down about $380 to $400 on it so the $8K tax return should more than pay it off.

So we're on track still... its just tight in the meantime. Yet thats why I have to sit down and assess where we are in the 4 month goal in our 3-4 year plan. As long as we're still on track I can't get too down but it also serves as a reminder that I need to keep working at it so I can reach my goal.

Not proud... we did great on the no-spend weekend and then today had to succumb to buying a puppy.

Thats probably where I feel like crap... love the puppy... but I probably could have been smarter. We paid cash with the TDY money DH got for his South Carolina trip, but because I felt guilty about the purchase I took the remaining $210.58 and paid down the credit card. So out of guilt, I have put an additional $605 towards paying down the CC.

I'm not really sure if this is a good strategy... guilt = debt being paid off sooner. But to feel guilty means I would have spent money senselessly and therefore empty my savings account to somehow rationalize the situation and make myself at least feel a little better about it.

I don't think I did real well for the month of May.

Well, I have to admit, I've gotten some awesome advice from this forum. For that I'm extremely grateful because it helps me in knowing where I should go/next steps.

DH and I had a good discussion. It really helped.

I know most people who may read this may think my marriage is on the brink of collapse. There is only one person on the forum who knows its not.

I guess its time I REALLY introduce myself. My name is Summer... and this is who I am... my story.

We've gone through some tough times. I say that with all sincerity, we've done two deployments and have weathered a good many storms.... we just don't and did not have any good role models in our life. Thats the best way to say it without going into how troubled both of our lives were.

In short though, DH is the 9th of 10 kids and grew up on welfare. His dad was an alcoholic while his mom just sat on her @$$

I was more spoiled, but still soap-opera-ish. I ended up in a foster home at age 12 because my mom refused to believe her boyfriend could be a pedofile. So my Dad went $30K into debt to travel from Hawaii to rescue me and secure an attorney. The courts never did believe me though, they believed I was abused but couldn't prove anything on my now-step dad. Yes, she ended up marrying him and told herself that I just "had a dream".

But things weren't great with my Dad either, he worked 2-3 jobs to support us and if I wanted to see him I had to go to his office after school and hang out there till 10 or 11 when he came home OR get tired and catch the bus home. I ended up severely depressed and with an eating disorder... and no one noticed.

So at 15, I decided between suicide, or going to live with my Mom who still had her same boyfriend. I chose the latter cause at least I'd be alive. Then at 17, when she tried to force me to join the Navy I paid for my plane ticket to go back to Hawaii and spend my senior year there... a month later I met my DH.

I feel like although I was a young mom... and DH and I have had a tumultuous marriage... we've done the best with what we were given.

DH and I are still going strong 9 years into our marriage... its only REALLY been tested twice... 2003 and last year. Last year because I found out I was pregnant and refused to get an abortion, DH didn't want the baby cause he was afraid we couldn't afford it (he was raised in a big family where there was never enough)... I was afraid I couldn't live with myself if I had an abortion. We're fine now... baby is here and he loves her just like the rest.

For our debts... of the amount left, it was bought with closing costs for our new house when our neighborhood was getting tagged by gangs and I didn't want the kids exposed to that... a water softener for my son's skin.

Our cars... his commuter car we are willing to budge on... but not on the minivan. We chose the Odyssey because of its safety ratings... I didn't want the bells and whistles, but I wanted a car I could trust as my four babies would be going in it. We were looking at used cars, but everything we looked at needed transmission work or would soon need to. And unless we plan on renting a car everytime the car gets fixed, well, I don't know.

I don't know... but we're trying to do the best we can with what we've been dealt in life. Its that common goal that actually binds DH and I together.

Sure we have our immature or childish moments, but they never last long. Dh knows he would never deny me seeing my family and if getting a motorcycle is soooo important to him, I'll concede. We know marriage isn't something you keep score on.

He's my best friend, my rock. I'm not quite sure what I offer to him... but I know he loves me & is always excited to tell me about his day when he gets home. I support him in his goals... or help him find his goals... sometimes he can get fatalistic and think he'll never be something cause of what he came from. And thats when I try to step in and make his dreams happen or show him how its possible. He's the one that helps keep me grounded so my lofty ambitions don't lose sight of living life today.

I mean, yeah, I became a mom at 18, 19, 22, and 26... but I also graduated with my associates in 2003 at 21, bachelors in 2004 at 23, and have a goal to get my masters before I'm 30.

We bought our first house when I was 24, our second when I was 25. We have great credit, have never been late on a payment, I've paid back any loans my parents made to me in my younger years... I feel like we've come a long way.

I know I tend to talk about our debt... but I fail to mention that we save $645/mo and have $20K in his 403b and $3K in my Roth IRA

And the REAL end goal is... DH and I want a condo in Hawaii to retire at, we want the kids to go to school in Hawaii till they are all out of the house and then we'll have our dream house in Missouri with some horses... Dh can have his garage & restore cars... and Hawaii can be our 2nd home. When he gets out of the Navy he wants to go to a school to fly helicopters and do that. Lofty ambitions I guess... but its our goal.

Sooo I just had to get that out there... if just to help others get to know me and where I'm coming from and where I've been.

Ok, off to work now... Mondays are my busiest days.