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Start to a new week

May 19th, 2008 at 06:07 am

Well, I have to admit, I've gotten some awesome advice from this forum. For that I'm extremely grateful because it helps me in knowing where I should go/next steps.

DH and I had a good discussion. It really helped.

I know most people who may read this may think my marriage is on the brink of collapse. There is only one person on the forum who knows its not.

I guess its time I REALLY introduce myself. My name is Summer... and this is who I am... my story.

We've gone through some tough times. I say that with all sincerity, we've done two deployments and have weathered a good many storms.... we just don't and did not have any good role models in our life. Thats the best way to say it without going into how troubled both of our lives were.

In short though, DH is the 9th of 10 kids and grew up on welfare. His dad was an alcoholic while his mom just sat on her @$$

I was more spoiled, but still soap-opera-ish. I ended up in a foster home at age 12 because my mom refused to believe her boyfriend could be a pedofile. So my Dad went $30K into debt to travel from Hawaii to rescue me and secure an attorney. The courts never did believe me though, they believed I was abused but couldn't prove anything on my now-step dad. Yes, she ended up marrying him and told herself that I just "had a dream".

But things weren't great with my Dad either, he worked 2-3 jobs to support us and if I wanted to see him I had to go to his office after school and hang out there till 10 or 11 when he came home OR get tired and catch the bus home. I ended up severely depressed and with an eating disorder... and no one noticed.

So at 15, I decided between suicide, or going to live with my Mom who still had her same boyfriend. I chose the latter cause at least I'd be alive. Then at 17, when she tried to force me to join the Navy I paid for my plane ticket to go back to Hawaii and spend my senior year there... a month later I met my DH.

I feel like although I was a young mom... and DH and I have had a tumultuous marriage... we've done the best with what we were given.

DH and I are still going strong 9 years into our marriage... its only REALLY been tested twice... 2003 and last year. Last year because I found out I was pregnant and refused to get an abortion, DH didn't want the baby cause he was afraid we couldn't afford it (he was raised in a big family where there was never enough)... I was afraid I couldn't live with myself if I had an abortion. We're fine now... baby is here and he loves her just like the rest.

For our debts... of the amount left, it was bought with closing costs for our new house when our neighborhood was getting tagged by gangs and I didn't want the kids exposed to that... a water softener for my son's skin.

Our cars... his commuter car we are willing to budge on... but not on the minivan. We chose the Odyssey because of its safety ratings... I didn't want the bells and whistles, but I wanted a car I could trust as my four babies would be going in it. We were looking at used cars, but everything we looked at needed transmission work or would soon need to. And unless we plan on renting a car everytime the car gets fixed, well, I don't know.

I don't know... but we're trying to do the best we can with what we've been dealt in life. Its that common goal that actually binds DH and I together.

Sure we have our immature or childish moments, but they never last long. Dh knows he would never deny me seeing my family and if getting a motorcycle is soooo important to him, I'll concede. We know marriage isn't something you keep score on.

He's my best friend, my rock. I'm not quite sure what I offer to him... but I know he loves me & is always excited to tell me about his day when he gets home. I support him in his goals... or help him find his goals... sometimes he can get fatalistic and think he'll never be something cause of what he came from. And thats when I try to step in and make his dreams happen or show him how its possible. He's the one that helps keep me grounded so my lofty ambitions don't lose sight of living life today.

I mean, yeah, I became a mom at 18, 19, 22, and 26... but I also graduated with my associates in 2003 at 21, bachelors in 2004 at 23, and have a goal to get my masters before I'm 30.

We bought our first house when I was 24, our second when I was 25. We have great credit, have never been late on a payment, I've paid back any loans my parents made to me in my younger years... I feel like we've come a long way.

I know I tend to talk about our debt... but I fail to mention that we save $645/mo and have $20K in his 403b and $3K in my Roth IRA

And the REAL end goal is... DH and I want a condo in Hawaii to retire at, we want the kids to go to school in Hawaii till they are all out of the house and then we'll have our dream house in Missouri with some horses... Dh can have his garage & restore cars... and Hawaii can be our 2nd home. When he gets out of the Navy he wants to go to a school to fly helicopters and do that. Lofty ambitions I guess... but its our goal.

Sooo I just had to get that out there... if just to help others get to know me and where I'm coming from and where I've been.

Ok, off to work now... Mondays are my busiest days.

9 Responses to “Start to a new week”

  1. managinglife Says:

    I truly understand your situation. Some of your life story sounds like mine.

  2. creditcardfree Says:

    Thanks for sharing! You are your DH's rock, without a strong spouse at home, it makes it difficult for soldiers and sailors to stay focused on their jobs when it is most intense.

    You will get your goals defined...one step at a time and keep communicating with each other even if you at first don't agree. Smile

  3. mooshocker Says:

    What an inspiration you are to me. Although our lives are very different, I am reminded of our blessed I am and how much we can learn from others like yourself. Thank you so much for sharing and regarding the concept of abortion; God bless you for brining that child into this world. Putting her life or the lives of anyone ahead of money is wonderful! Abortion is evil and I thank you for fighting the easy way out. You child thanks you too! God bless you.

  4. Ima saver Says:

    Thank you for sharing your life with us.

  5. Livingalmostlarge Says:

    Are you done having children? If so make a permenant move to prevent any more accidents. I say this not lightly but another child could end up sinking your finances. Children are a blessing but not worrying about money while having children is also a blessing.

    Good luck.

  6. AmbitiousSaver Says:


    LivingAlmostLarge, yes... we are most DEFINITELY done. We thought we were done with #3 but DH was trying to find a reputable doctor to do DH's vasectomy & I was on birth control when our fourth happened. He had a vasectomy in August and I'm considering a tubal as well just to make sure we are covered on both sides.

  7. Koppur Says:

    Wow. Thank you for sharing all that with us. I look forward ot getting to know you better!

  8. Petunia Says:

    Wow, you've had quite a life. Sounds like you and your DH were both dealt pretty difficult cards in the game of life, but you've both worked hard to make things better for yourselves and your children. Having dreams for your life and working towards those dreams. . . and asking for some help from the friendly folks here when you needed it. . . I have every confidence that you'll achieve what you want.

  9. Apprentice Fun-Frugalist Says:

    You and DH are amazing !!

    You both have achieved so much in life already.... more than some others achieve in a life-time !!

    Congrats.. and pat yourself on the back.. you deserve it.

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