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I don't know why I'm 2nd guessing myself

June 29th, 2008 at 02:02 pm

But as I was helping out at the stables today and leading the horses to their stalls... all I could think about is... I love this. I don't want to go to school again.

I want to spend my days doing my job, spending time with my kids, the pets, my wonderful husband, and volunteering at the stables.

I'm sure I feel this way because classes start Tuesday.

So why am I 2nd guessing myself?

I've already started reading my books... I'm taking Operational Assurance services and although I'm interested in the material, I'm not interested in writing a 20 page essay or towards the last three weeks trying to scramble to find someone to watch the kids when my husband can't.

Are these just excuses? Am I just hesitating cause its been 4 years since I graduated with my bachelor's? I just... I don't know, but I'm dragging my feet about the whole thing.

I tell myself all the time... IF I lost my job - which in all honesty I'm doubtful will happen because I'm a good worker & in charge of much of the reporting and starting to take over the partner payments & invoicing process as well. So if I ever lost my job though... I'd need to make 50-60K to make ends meet.

I tell myself... just do one class at a time so I don't feel overwhelmed... and I'm doing that. But I'm still not intrigued to be a student again.

Maybe if I just keep taking one class at a time, before I know it I will have my master's and it will just feel like it was automatic rather than an exhaustive effort.

I don't know... I'm just rambling to myself. I've told my husband all this and he just says its totally up to me.

What keeps me going for my degree? The same thing that keeps me putting money into a savings account.... I'd rather spend the money on something I'd like, but heaven forbid I need it then it will be there. Same thing with my degree, I'd rather spend my time and money on other things... but heaven forbid I need my degree, at least it will be there... and for $9K to get a master's degree - its a bargain.

I'm just tired of writing essays and I haven't even started.

5 Responses to “I don't know why I'm 2nd guessing myself”

  1. sillyoleme Says:

    I can sympathize with you. I started feeling the same way towards the end of my Bachelor's... I even pushed to graduate a semester early because I felt like my life was on hold. I have thought about going back for my Master's, or even law school, but I just can't even think about it right now.

    But if it makes your future more secure, then that is definitely something to think about. Maybe you will get started and get right back in the groove of things!

  2. gamecock43 Says:

    I understand, the papers and required readings are no fun. But the commraderie with other students, the feeling of accomplishment, the increased skills, and the fascinating readings make it worth it.
    give it a try. you can always stop after one class, and list it on your resume that you have some grad school education. Challenging yourself is never fun in the beginning.

  3. dwallyfam Says:

    It is natural to 2nd guess yourself. Always wondering if you are doing the right thing. Don't underestimate the value you are getting from the classes.

  4. baselle Says:

    I took some time off between my Bachelor's and grad school. I think its perfectly appropriate to be a bit nervous going back. If it helps, know that classes taken in grad school often feel a bit easier. By now, you know what you need to do to pass tests, write papers, etc. I think gamecock's got it right - concentrate on what you gain.

  5. monkeymama Says:

    A little late but I wanted to say I relate too.

    If it means anything I taught piano in college and got an accounting degree. At the end of my degree I second guessed everything.

    I think on a board like this, if I had been posting, many people would have said piano was my passion and I was going for the accounting degree for security.

    The truth was kind of the opposite. Piano teaching was what I knew and did for the prior 8 years or so, and it was an incredible experience. But my true passion is accounting. I was just kind of freaking out about how much my life would change when I graduates. We are creatures of habit.

    I had to throw that out because I kind of cringe at the idea that a corporate life if cold and unrewarding.

    Of course my kids are way more important than my job, but both are awesome and rewarding because I enjoy both so much. I don't think I would have gotten the same job from piano teaching. It just wasn't so much my *thing.*

    Likewise, it's good to have a solid career like accounting to fall back on and pay the bills. I'd stick it through. I guess I always personally felt the sooner I established myself in a career like this, the more time I would have later in life to pursue other things. So far I am pleased with the results (9 years into my accounting career). I can work part-time and make $50k/year. That's a pretty sweet place to be. It doesn't hurt that I love my job though - which is really the key.

    Just my point - for the long run you can make a decent part-time wage and have plenty of time to pursue other hobbies. So I don't think in that sense it is a bad route.

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