On 9/4, I received the phone call that my Dad was dying. Financially foolish or not, by 9/10 I was on a plane with the baby to see him & we changed our November trip to see him in October.
Once I got to Hawaii, my Uncle told me that on 9/4, my Dad was told he had 2-3 weeks to live.
So we're coping. I'm glad I went ahead and saw him before October because I don't know if he'll be around then.
Being this is a financial blog, I'm focusing on that aspect of things - but trust me, all the emotions are there - so please don't think I'm just concerned over money.
My brother told me today that he has a $25K life insurance policy that, split between my siblings and my Aunt (who has cared for him all his life). So that would be 5K each, $6250 if we can get our younger sister written out. Which isn't as dramatic as it seems, my little sister has never met my Dad & in her adulthood thinks horribly of him. In 2007 he had written her out of the will, but I guess he forgot about the life insurance policy.
I'm not sure what to do with the money. It would only put a minor dent into our debt but a part of me is just paralyzed - I feel like if I let go of that money, what my Dad left me is gone. I don't want to spend it or anything, I just want it to stay in the bank.
I don't know... if it was any other money, I'd put it towards the debt. But its not, this is the last amount of money my Dad will ever send.
Is it silly to feel this way?
I was fine the whole time I was in Hawaii visiting my Dad. I was there, he wasn't dead yet. Now that I'm back home, its different and its hard to be away.
My Dad is dying
September 15th, 2009 at 08:25 pm
September 15th, 2009 at 08:33 pm 1253046822
September 15th, 2009 at 08:35 pm 1253046935
I think it is perfectly fine to hold on to any money that you receive from him. You don't want to have any regrets. You are on a path to success and this money won't change that!
September 15th, 2009 at 08:58 pm 1253048322
Please be strong, spend as much time as you can with your dad, and remember that doctors only know so much, and the man up above will decide when it is time.
I would not be focussing on the life insurance money at this time, or writting people out (why? he is her father even if they do not get along).
I am sorry, but I would never consider something financially foolish to spend time with a dying parent or relative. I don't think it is even an issue in this situation.
More importantly, how are you dealing with the emotional aspect? Is focusing on the money a way of deterring thinking about the bigger issue?
September 15th, 2009 at 09:26 pm 1253049981
September 15th, 2009 at 09:40 pm 1253050822
Regarding the writing out of the will he actually is not her father. My mom had an affair the last two years of their marriage and she had the baby (My dad can't have biological kids of his own. My older sibs are adopted and I'm the product of fertility intervention). They tried to work it out but when my little sister was 7 months old they divorced.
September 15th, 2009 at 09:41 pm 1253050898
i hope whatever you decide, you will be happy with.
September 15th, 2009 at 10:31 pm 1253053917
I'm so sorry to hear your sad news. It is good that your were able to make the journey to see your dad now, rather than waiting.
I understand the sentiments about the money. You'll figure it out in time. Take care of yourself.
September 15th, 2009 at 10:37 pm 1253054266
September 15th, 2009 at 10:48 pm 1253054886
September 15th, 2009 at 11:01 pm 1253055719
September 15th, 2009 at 11:07 pm 1253056077
Sometimes all the stuff, all the phone calls, and paperwork and telling people, that goes with losing a family member makes it so you don't get to grieve.
Take care.
Miz Pat
September 16th, 2009 at 12:27 am 1253060855
September 16th, 2009 at 01:06 am 1253063168
They always say wait a year before you spend an inheritance of any sort. It applies in this case too. Don't worry about it and don't rush anything.
Be thankful you had the means and time to see him, and I do hope you get to see him again soon.
September 16th, 2009 at 01:25 am 1253064307
September 16th, 2009 at 02:15 am 1253067337
As for the money, I agree that you shouldn't rush to do anything with it. Stick it in savings for 6-12 months.
One thing to think about: Who will pay for his funeral and burial? Is that already taken care of or will you and your siblings need to do that?
What you are feeling about that money is very normal, by the way. Just don't get hung up on feeling that the money is your connection to him. The money is just money. I'm sure he would want you to do something useful with it - just not for a while.
September 16th, 2009 at 02:31 am 1253068314
September 16th, 2009 at 03:21 am 1253071306
Going to see him was exactly the right thing to do!
September 16th, 2009 at 03:25 am 1253071529
September 16th, 2009 at 04:01 am 1253073691
That is one thing I am sooo grateful for my father. He planned all this out. His funeral is already prepaid for, even planned out, his burial plot purchased and he will be laid to rest close to his parents, he had a will done 2 years ago, he always knew one day he couldn't be with us anymore and didn't want for us to have to grieve AND worry about money at the same time.
He will never cease to amaze me that even in his dying days, his primary thoughts were about his children & how to make this whole process easier on us.
September 16th, 2009 at 04:52 am 1253076736
I think it's wise to wait to decide what to do with the money. In time, it will become clear to you what makes the most sense...to you. Whether you stash it away forever, apply it to debt, purchase something to help you remember him, or whatever, I don't think there's any need to rush into a decision.
September 16th, 2009 at 05:16 am 1253078209
This was emergency spending, you can't just not go. The rest of the commenters are right - no need to rush into a decision. Either inheritance process (will, trust) take quite a bit of time too.
September 16th, 2009 at 06:32 am 1253082767
September 16th, 2009 at 12:56 pm 1253105803
There is nothing financially foolish about wanting to see your dying father. If I was in those shoes, I would think nothing of even going into credit card debt for it.
And as Steve mentioned, please hang on to the money for now because there may be some upcoming expenses that will need to be sorted out. Ideally, the insurance money would pay for all the expenses first, and THEN, you can all split the remaining balance equally amongst all parties.
September 16th, 2009 at 01:34 pm 1253108097
I wish you and your family all the best in this difficult time....
September 16th, 2009 at 01:43 pm 1253108618
September 16th, 2009 at 01:48 pm 1253108901
Going to see him was definetely the right thing to do. Dad died on a 27th of December. Most of us went to see him on Christmas day, which was a Monday, except my niece, who had a party and decided she would go see dad over the weekend... she still cannot forgive herself.
I do hope that you get to see him in October.
((hugs))
September 16th, 2009 at 07:34 pm 1253129667
September 19th, 2009 at 04:45 am 1253335512
September 19th, 2009 at 02:15 pm 1253369748
September 21st, 2009 at 12:34 pm 1253536467
September 21st, 2009 at 02:38 pm 1253543911
Best wishes to you and your family.
September 24th, 2009 at 01:14 pm 1253798050
September 25th, 2009 at 03:48 pm 1253893714