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Self-Sufficiency

October 29th, 2009 at 12:57 pm

I found a blog yesterday (not on this site) that bothered me.

It was called "Poor and Pregnant" and chronicled how this mother is pregnant with her 3rd child and this is also the 3rd pregnancy she that she is going through under government assistance.

Yet, this woman has expensive taste for cloth diapers (there are cheap forms & expensive forms). Her & her husband also have non-traditional forms of income.

I'm sorry but having kids, I'd find a traditional source of income so that I could predict from one day to the next that I have the money to feed my kids.

Maybe it rubs me the wrong way because I had my first at 19, then another at 20. It wasn't until I was experiencing marital problems & realized that I'd need some way to stand on my own two feet that I ended up going back to school.

DH said we couldn't afford for me to go back to school, but I fought him on that & 75% of my college tuition for my undergraduate degree was free because we made less than $30K/yr for a family of 4.

I got pregnant during my senior year of my undergraduate degree but still did an internship with a top 25 public accounting firm at the time.

Then my son was born & he ended up in the NICU. My professors were very understanding and I finished that semester. I went to school all year round & finished my bachelors degree 2 1/2 years after I started at a traditional college (not an online university).

We moved the month before my last semester & I finished up via videostreaming.

We haven't been on government assistance since and i attribute that to deciding to use whatever assistance I got to provide me with a livelihood to support myself vs something to tide me over for now.

I read the blog & kept thinking... I've been there, but the difference is - she isn't planning ahead. She isn't planning to get off assistance. How can you do that?

I'm sure a lot of it is complacency. After all, it wasn't till my marriage was threatened that I got off my 2 year hiatus from school to go back. I had seen my mom & grandma left destitute from the men in their lives and I promised myself I was NOT going to have to resort to working 2-3 jobs to support myself or my children.

Now, my marriage did work out (I think my DH found my desire to be independent attractive).

But I think if anyone truly wants better for themselves, they have to be willing to put something of themselves into it. Anything worth getting is worth investing part of yourself into & as I read this lady's blog I kept struggling with the fact that I had no sympathy for her.

I had surely been there, but our perspectives were different. Most we had ever been on was WIC & getting grants off my FAFSA. Now we make good money (although we have a lot of debt due to previous foolish decisions), but it was because of our hard work.

Having kids actually motivated me to finish my degree because I wanted to set the standard. At the end of it all, I wanted to show my kids that you can do anything if you put your mind to it.

Soooo many people told me I'd never get my degree when I got pregnant at 18. And not only did I have my bachelors degree by the time I was 23, I'm getting my masters degree at 28.

Nowadays the biggest thing I hear is "You'll never be debt free". And thats the one thing about me, tell me I can't do something & if I really want it - that just makes me work THAT much harder at it.

I didn't use to be this way. I was always one of the pretty girls that if I really wanted something, I'd just have a guy do it for me or I'd ask my Dad. I was horribly spoiled.

But in the end, something always has to inspire us to change. Being a mother of 2 with a threatened marriage was my moment & I'm glad it happened. I just hope this lady finds her moment so that she has the courage to find a way to get off & stay off government assistance.

7 Responses to “Self-Sufficiency”

  1. Broken Arrow Says:
    1256821433

    That would rub me the wrong way too.

  2. matt Says:
    1256822089

    i also cant stand when people tell me i cant do something. it diff. motivates me. my wife and i have 2 kids and we take extra measure to be safe. but if it does accure, i would do everything possible to make it work and to not let my dreams and goals fade away.

  3. LuxLiving Says:
    1256824313

    I would've felt the same way. It's why I worked three jobs at a time when younger to support myself.

    I am also driven to work six times as hard when someone tells me no, or that something can't be done. The H*ll you say!!

    Good for you working to put yourself and your kiddos and in the end your husband too in a better place. What a woman!!! I love it!

  4. ceejay74 Says:
    1256829663

    Well, there are always going to be unmotivated or entitled people who don't use public assistance in the way it's intended. I try not to let them bother me too much. Your story, on the other hand, is a real inspiration and a great example of why assistance is there--for hardworking people who want independence but need a leg up due to various circumstances.

  5. Joan.of.the.Arch Says:
    1256833082

    Could you direct me to the blog? I'm curious what kind of gov't assistance a married woman is getting. Curious about the non-traditional income, too. Something creative? Is she in the USA?

    I think I've read that 1 in 5 citizens will receive foodstamps at some point in their life. That was probably including childhood years, so it is not surprising to me that a couple in these times might have food aid. (Guess that is what it is.) It is not a long term thing for many people, though.

    Huge percentages of college students now use the aid of government money for school tuition and to pay loan interest while in school. So it does not surprise me for someone to have that kid of assistance either.

    Hey, I did not realize there are people going around telling others they will never be out of debt. Crazy.

    You've got a lot of interesting stuff for discussion in your blog today.

  6. ambitioussaver Says:
    1256834547

    Joan I have to search for it again, I was pointed to it from someone else. But she is in the USA. I was floored when I further learned she went to graduate school... so that means she has a degree in SOMETHING. After I learned that any hope of my sympathy went out the window because here I was envisioning someone like me who struggled through undergrad w/2 kids in tow using govt grants & WIC. No, she was pregnant with her FIRST child in graduate school. I'm not against govt assistance, after all I used it... but I'm more against people just getting on it & using it as a way of life vs using it as an opportunity to create a better future for yourself.

    This lady seems very complacent with not having a regular job & not demonstrating any initiative (in her blog) that they are looking for a stable source of income.

    And yep, believe it or not, when I started reading Dave Ramsey's thing about having a debt free life - I was excited & told a few friends. To which I heard "Yeah, right, who lives debt free?" or "That'll never happen." Seems like debt has become such a way of life for so many we now think its impossible to live w/o it... but I'm making it my goal still yet.

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